Friday, May 26, 2006


I'm hatin' on this tamed-down, bland, non-offensive "Mexican" food that certain restaurants are trying to pass off as authentic. I mean for fuck's sake, they have MEXICAN in the name of their restaurant, can't they at least PRETEND? Are they even aware of the the existence of the Country of Mexico and it's long and rich history of savory dishes and zany television programs? Are they aware that "Mexican" is more than a sombrero and Piss-water Corona beer?
No, I'm guessing not. They should change the name of their restaurants to Mexi-CAN'T.

They should be forece by laws and men with guns to call their food "American Crap slathered in cheese to hide our foul meats with a loosely interpreted influence from a region that may or may not be Latin". This is not Mexican; this is not Mexican-Amercian; this is not Amercianized Mexican... this is a copy of of a copy of an interpretation of a rumor from a guy who used to live down the street from this other guy who had a mexican gardener once when he was a kid and that guy would sometimes mention that his wife was a good cook.

Plastic beans, rubber rice, and tomato soup salsa... good god. Not to mention their special sauces of sour cream and broken dreams... it's awful. They've never heard of spice and wouldn't want to offend the pasty-white patrons with anything bordering on ethnic flavor or actual taste. Of course I see why they wouldn't want to wake the taste-buds that have been in a coma since mom's tuna-casorole tried to kill them in the late 60's and everything - you'd probably kill the poor people with shock. And when food that sat in the same room with a bus boy who had a jalepeno once about five years ago is too spicy for them, I can understand the "bland." But, fucking honestly, you should have opened a goddamned "Bland Ooze in swarthy cheeses" Restaurant and disguised yourself with free balloons and free parking and called it a day.

You fucking morons.

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