U2 used to be my most favoritist band in the world. Back in the ‘80s, when they were still Irish, and cool. At some point between then and now, they turned all New York and self-important, kind of like Madonna. I blame Bono. I should have known not to trust someone who decided at some point in his life that he was enough above the rest of us to simply go by one name, like Cher, or Sting, or again, Madonna.
But whatever, he’s a rock star…I don’t care. What I do care about is how he has now brought it upon himself to save the entire planet, meeting with all the important world rulers and whatnot, all the while NEVER TAKING OFF HIS PASTEL SUNGLASSES. Jesus Christ, what a tool.
I know, Bono, you’re a radical, cause-loving fucking poet of a generation, increasing our awareness of important world issues like civil war, and bloody massacres and assassinations of people like Martin Luther King, Jr. I get it. But can’t you just stick to that? SINGING about it? And as a singer, which is all that you are, can’t you just fucking ENTERTAIN us like the rest of them? Must you use your celebrity status to start preaching to us all, and get your stupid picture in all the papers shaking hands with President Moogumbo McDooziwat of some random country in Africa…IN YOUR SUNGLASSES?
Hey, I know, it’s all noble and crap, wanting to help these poor nations by shooing the flies off their bloated, malnourished national bellies, helping them escape debt and poverty and junk. Seriously, I believe in this. I think it’s fucking great. But in doing this, one would assume that if you have enough clout – albeit self-important, arrogant, faux celebrity clout – to meet with the leaders of ENTIRE NATIONS, you would have enough respect to at least look these people in the eye as you exploit them for your stupid, retarded celebrity status instead of through the lenses of your pansy, girly, rose-colored sunglasses. You just look like a creep.
And don’t even get me started on that Angelina Jolie whore. She’s just gross.