Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Blow This, Jackass!

Every Tuesday at our office is landscape maintenance day. Since we don't have any grass to mow, this generally means the landscape crew is busy tending to the many patches of gravel and ground-covering greenery in and around the complex, as well as cutting off palm fronds so I have to trip over them as I go to check the mail.

Mostly, though, they busy themselves blowing dead leaves about with what is possibly the most useless, annoying invention EVER - The Leafblower. I'm continually perplexed by this contraption. It's basically just a plastic gas can strapped to a guy's back, hooked by a plastic hose to a giant reverse vacuum tube that blows shit everywhere...which is rickety in and of itself, if you ask me.

I guess I just don't get it. What progress do you make with one of these stinky, loud pieces of shit? How can you measure your day's progress by the amount of dust and dirt and crap that you merely move from one place to another? It's not like any of this debris goes AWAY...it just goes out to the parking lot! And all over ME, as I'm innocently trying to walk to my car!

I can't even decide what offends me most about The Leafblower. Is it the loudness? Does it bother me most that I'm trying to have a telephone conversation and it sounds like there's a merry band of hillbilly teenagers riding around outside on their muddy dirtbikes? Or is it the "I just stuck my face in someone's tailpipe" smell that lingers about everywhere within 100 yards? Perhaps it's the blank, mouth-breathing expression on the guy blowing...like he actually might just understand the useless irony of his task.

Or not. He's probably just dumb.

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